Right now all the soothing and taming in the world won't match the energy of what we are facing as humans. I don't need to tell you what's going on, you know. But here's a juicy tidbit- astrologically the intensity of what we're experiencing is right on target as well. Have you noticed that everyone around you is finding life super intense? That your experience is mirrored in the world around you as you try to get things done, etc.? Yup. We. Are. In. It. And it's important to name that for Bodies of Culture/Black Bodies/People of Color- it's ALWAYS intense due to the deadliness and oppression of White Body Supremacy.
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What's the dance between having clear intentions and directions I want to move in, and becoming a chronic "working on myself" kind of person?
The answer is: I don't know.
This is a tricky season.
For those who have lost someone or someones, or whose family has changed shape in some way, the holidays can be filled with grief. For those whose family dynamics are painful, and who deserve so much more unconditional love than you get, yes. This holiday can bring up grief. And I deeply feel that gratitude and grief are no so very far apart.
There was always someone to hug, kiss, play with their hair, etc...The huge amount of love I have in my body-being was able to express itself to willing subjects and I felt so nourished and met, I was in heaven.
Now the problem with this is, that when everyone left, I am now back in my own small family with a deeply introverted husband and son, and a tween son at that, who is appropriately and thank heavens, expressing boundaries around how often I can kiss him and attack him with my mama bear love. When I say "I love you" he says "I am aware of this." I call this a victory. But ..where then, does all this love go?
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