THE GIFTS OF OUR DARKNESS

“The dark does not destroy the light;

it defines it.

It's our fear of the dark

that casts our joy into the shadows."

Brene Brown

For decades I lived in fear of the deep, dark, unknown depth that I believed festered inside my belly. I unwittingly tried to avoid it via distraction, for, like ever. I imagined if I truly dove in and took a look, I'd never survive what I found. But it doesn't really work like this. There is not one single monster inside us, waiting to jump out and attack when we finally shine our flashlight in its direction. 

Instead, I spent years, decades, slowly befriending myself in order to look more closely, more deeply, into the pit of my belly.

You know what I eventually found there? A sad, scared little girl, abandoned and alone, who felt utterly unloveable. Who felt monstrous in her pain and self-loathing. 

Ouch, right?

So I loved her.

I danced her.

I bought her a stuffed unicorn. I showed her how wonderful life turns out as a grown up. I let her rage, cry, wail, curl up into a ball, and have her feelings. I celebrated her. I let her wear tutus and glitter and dance her heart out to Cyndi Lauper and Micheal Jackson.

And now when I check in the parts of me that feel they are in my darkness, I find stars. I find velvet waves of richness, deep folds of quiet, tremendous wisdom, and at times, a feeling of being connected to everything all at once. 

Our darkness seems scary if we don't have ways to investigate what's down there with compassion, support, and skillful means. But if we can shine a light on what's there, and give it what it needs, then we discover the richness, the magic, the gifts that have been hiding as well. I invite you discover the gifts of your darkness.