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OTHERING #3

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"Humanism is the only -
I would go so far as saying the final -
resistance we have against the inhuman practices
and injustices that disfigure human history."
Edward Said

So far we've discussed how we other parts of our bodies and parts of ourselves. Othering is actually a learned evolutionary trait, it began almost as far back as humans. Groups of people would dehumanize other groups of human, in order to reconcile attacking or fighting them for territory or resources.

Let's sit with that for a moment, since the beginning of time, as humans- we have had to dehumanize other people, in order to fight them. We have to make them seem and feel different and less worthy than us, in order to take what they have. We have to lie to ourselves.

This trend has not gone anywhere and perhaps it has even been strengthened due to over-population and the dwindling of resources. If I could explain othering with another word, I would use colonialism. "Hey you people who are living here, you seem sub-human, less than me, uncivilized, and undeserving of this land or your freedom. Mine."

Doesn't that make you nauseous? I feel queasy just writing this.

I'm going to fast forward today, but if you'd like to read an amazing article on this, click HERE.

How do we other on the daily? By deciding anything about our lives, our time, our needs is more important than anyone else's. We decide that our humanity is more "real," that our experience is the only one that matters. We do this all day, every time someone takes a long time at the cashier in front of us, or is going straight on a red light, when we could turn right. We make strangers "others," less real then we are. What we don't realize is that this is cutting us off from our humanity, from our own heart. 

This is one anonymous way we engage in othering all day. But what about the ignorant, well-meaning othering? Such as meeting a BIPOC person for the first time, and asking "where are you from?" I get the intention to connect, to know more, but by doing this, we are pointing out our differences in a system where BIPOC people are judged, systemically oppressed and punished for how they look each and every day. Pointing it out isn't kind. What if instead we just made the welcoming small talk we would with another white person?

We believe that the only viable solution to the problem of othering is one involving inclusion and belongingness. The most important good we distribute to each other in society is membership. The right to belong is prior to all other distributive decisions since it is members who make those decisions.

I believe belonging is the antidote to othering. And I'm sure you've seen it in action. One place I see this happen all the time is in Awaken The Dance. A new person comes in, maybe they've never even danced before, or they've never danced in a class like this, where we follow our own body's wisdom instead of looking in the mirror, and they feel shy, disoriented, like they don't belong. I watch as through the smiling faces, the body to body connections, the warmth of the community here- they are welcomed in. The tight jaw and stiff posture they walked in with dissolves and by the end of class, they are often teary and open, and express how amazing it is to feel welcome in a new space.

The issue with my anecdote is that quite often, though not always, it is new white people joining a circle of mostly white people. There is an inherent belonging due to blatant visible race. What happens when someone walks in that is different in body shape, skin color, ability? Well then we must act freaking normal! We must welcome them in and give them a sense of belonging the same way we always do, with warm smiles, body to body communications, etc..Not with questions about how they are different, but by connecting to what makes us all human.

My dear friend Kelsey Blackwell offers these suggestions:
It's normal to notice differences, we're not erasing out identities, but track what happens in your body, how does the prejudice live inside of each of us? We must pay attention and investigate our experience before the dismantling of racism can happen, it comes from the inside out!

For all my peeps in Bolder reading this, in order to explore this we must leave our comfort zones, we must go to black churches, diverse neighborhoods in Denver, and leave the Boulder bubble in order to really engage, to widen our circle and find friends who don't look like us! But it's up to us.

If you are white, I deeply recommend reading Me and White Supremacy or the article I referenced above. I recommend being compassionate to yourself, as going down the shame spiral just freezes us from waking up even more! And I'm open to talk about this more, so feel free to reply with your comments, suggestions, questions, wisdom, etc..I'm all ears!

And if you want some support beyond that, schedule your free 30 minute consult with me HERE.