RIP OFF THE BAND-AID

Photo by Johannah Reimer

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. ” 
― Pema Chödrön

So here I am walking through my life, thinking to myself- there's so much love around me! And it's true, there is.
And yet, why do I often feel unsupported?
Why do I feel drained and alone at the end of the day? 
Why do I crave sugar around 8 pm, and snap at my son, and feel like collapsing? Well, partly it's because he gets this bizarre silly streak at night and won't get the f#^*(@! in bed, but it's more than that.

I realized a few years ago there was this way I was jacking up my nervous system to meet the world. I am efforting at interactions. I am trying too hard. I've been protecting my heart from letting people in, from letting myself be nourished by the interaction. From letting myself f-ing relax, receive, and not hustle for love and affection.

What became clear in a Hakomi session over the weekend, was that I don't quite trust people with my heart. So I do all the work. And it's tiring. So tiring. Like, I'm tired ALL the time, tiring.
My life is busy for sure, but what if I was resting within my day, trusting the person/people I'm with to care for my heart? To see me as I am, unfiltered, un-efforted, and nourish me back? I am nourished by my interactions, deeply, but only when I can bring my awareness to the back of my body and relax. It feels scary and naked and new- to open up even more deeply. I thought I was being open! I thought I was being me. But there's a much deeper level and I'm diving into it.

And this is a perfect opportunity to wake up. To come into contact with the present moment and be there. Without the overlays of my desire for a certain kind of connection. Without the filters of my hopes and fears.
But literally, present.
With another person.
Being.

So let's let our lives, our pain and struggles and challenges, wake us up!
And literally, I kid you not, we must be in our bodies to do this.
I'm tracking the sensations around my heart, I'm monitoring the tension in my jaw, I'm feeling my spine and my feet on the ground. And I'm breathing deep. It's the only way I know how to do this. Join me. And see what life is actually offering us all the time.