TRUST

" You realize that you can start right where you are, in the midst of your life, and find peace in any circumstance. Even at those moments when the ground shakes terribly beneath you—
when there’s a loss that will alter your life forever—
you can still trust that you will find your way home. "
Tara Brach

I am hungry. I am starving. I am dying to let go.

I can viscerally feel both the longing and the unwillingness inside me. I can almost touch it. In many ways, there's nothing I want more. But wanting won't get me there. It is an undoing rather than a doing.

And I recognize that "letting go" isn't something that just happens without the foundation being laid. I am uninterested in spiritual bypassing and lip service, I want to viscerally know this place of openness as clearly as I know this place of holding on. 

It seems to me that TRUST is the first step. Can I trust that if I let go of my grip on life, of control, of the people I love, will I be ok? And what happens if I'm not?
Can I trust that too?

I have no answers right now. None. But I do know that when I trust my body and let go into that, the dance transforms me. The dance is me. I let go into dance. And I trust that. 

When I let moment to moment impulses and sensations guide me, I find a place of letting go and surrender that I can't taste in my conceptual mind. That I can't know through thoughts or ideas. 

I know I basically say some version of this in every mailing. Some version of trustyour freaking body and get out of your head. Why? Because it's true. And the more I trust, the more trueit feels. My life feels more and more satisfying, nourishing and meaningful. What I have to offer my clients and dancers flows more and more freely and I can get out of the way and let it happen. 

I cannot, and I will not,THINK my way into letting go. I cannot repeat the mantra "let go" or "trust" and expect it will lead me to any kind of honest experience. But I can have the actual experience of trust when I dance. And the more I trust, the more I let go.